Losing loved ones

Do you know how it feels when every night you lay down in your bed with the thought of whom you are going to lose next?

Do you know how it feels when every morning you wake up wondering if this is the last day when you are holding their hand?

Do you know how it feels to think that what if they leave and yoh never get to see their smile? If you have, then take a deep breath because you are not alone my friend.

This fear is not something to laugh upon. if you know someone who has this fear then instead of making fun of it or mocking at it, try to understand how deeply this fear has seated itself in their heart and mind. How anxious it makes them feel!

Artwork by Muhammed Sulah

It can be due to many reasons like childhood traumas, parents who were not present for you when you needed them the most, sudden death of a closed one, or being abandoned by someone you loved the most without any reasons and many more.
The fact that this fear damages our relationships and affects the way we look at intimacy, is inarguable.
This fear makes us believe that the person is going to leave us, no matter how much we love them, even a single mistake will destroy everything we have.

Artwork by rmrwork

We try different mechanisms to cope up with this pain and fear.
We try to hide our fear behind our smile so that no one can wonder how a person who smiles so beautifully, who laughs so cheerfully hides so much of fear behind that curve of lips.

We hide because we are afraid what you’ll think about us once you know how fragile we are.

We are afraid if our fear will be used against us, we are afraid that what if our scariest nightmare turns to be true.

Sometimes we push away the people we love because we are afraid of the closeness, sometimes we even agree on the things that we don’t like so that the other person won’t feel bad or better say we don’t want them to leave, we become a giver, we give, give and give, we don’t know when to stop; so we empty ourselves and love unconditionally.

Artwork by Maria Hill

We try to deal with it, there are days when we win the fight against this fear, there are days when we badly lose. It’s a part of us, and it’s not fun living with it, it gives us shivers, it makes us anxious and nervous, and sometimes it makes us push away the love which we yearn for so badly.

I’m learning how to accept my fears, I’m learning how to accept my traumas, more than that I’m learning that I can choose to be bigger than my own devils.

I’m not afraid of love, I’m afraid of abandonment, I’m afraid of seeing my loved ones leaving me. I’m afraid that the love which I do so unconditionally will one day strangle me.

Someone who knows how it feels.

Understanding and Overcoming Procrastination

A Few months back my friend told me to write an article for the website Awesomengers and I didn’t write it, I kept on making excuses and sometimes there were genuine reasons. My friend asked me to collaborate with him in year 2018 and I kept on delaying, not that I didn’t want to! it was because I kept on thinking that maybe someday later.

Guess what? Today is the day. So hello readers, I am Anshika Sharma your new friend here. And I was a Procrastinator ( a part of me is still trying to fight the tempting urge of falling into the sweet trap which Procrastination offers; sweet but poisonous).

Procrastination and laziness, they aren’t same. Procrastination is delaying work when you don’t want to do it or when you are afraid to do something or start something new, while the latter one is because of being exhausted or lethargic or when you don’t have the energy to do something.

Do you remember when we used to get assignments as kids? We used to finish them as soon as possible, we wanted to be the first one to say ‘completed’. There was energy, zeal and positivity to be bright, to be good.

As we grew up, we somewhere lost that energy and vibes. Now when we get some projects, we keep on delaying them till the last moment. And in the last hours, we find ourselves cursing and full of frustration, aggression for not starting it sooner. Sounds relatable, right?!

Laziness is physical while procrastination is mental. Remember when you had a project to complete but instead you went to the movies or clubbing. It wasn’t laziness! it was your mind that delayed that project because you had the energy to dance all night. Duhh!!

Attachments are not good for heart and that’s why you shouldn’t be attached to procrastination either. Procrastination is a sweet poison, it first gives you the sweet sensation of relief of not doing anything and then poison you with the anger, irritation, frustration of piled up work.

I know it’s hard and painful to detach but remember there’s a reason why you don’t make friends with ‘snakes’. Because in the end, it’s you who is going to suffer and feel that burden on your shoulders. I’m not your parent or teacher who is schooling you. I’m just a person who suffered the wounds of procrastination and now who is trying to ease even a lil bit of pain.

Art by henna krankkala

Let’s get on some breaking-up tips with this toxic partner ‘Procrastination’ –

• ‘Accept and recognise when you are procrastinating.’

• ‘Find out why you are procrastinanting.’

If you want to fight good then learn the history of your enemy.

Is it because you don’t know how to do that work?
No worries, we all have to start somewhere and there’s no shame in learning.

Is it because you are afraid that you’ll mess up?
We all make mistakes, it’s an inevitable part of life.  But to not do something just because you think that you’ll mess up, not confirmed but just because of that thought! Isn’t it a bit stupid?!
I’ll make mistakes and I’ll learn.’

Is it because you don’t find that work pleasing?
Life isn’t a movie, sometimes we have to do the work which we find boring, but if it needs to be done then why facing it later, when you can finish it earlier and enjoy later.

Effective time management and schedules’
Make a to-do list, prioritise your work and don’t forget to add some ‘me-time’ (it’s important to take care of yourself). Identify the work that needs to be done first and make your schedule accordingly.

1. Keep a check on your to-do list.
2. Know when you work the most effectively. Is it morning or evening time, and then put hard tasks to be tackled during your most effective time.
3. Learn how to make a proper schedule. Proper time management helps in effective working and low stress level in long run.

Don’t feel ashamed of procrastinating in the past. Forgive yourself and give yourself a new start.

Commit to your work.

Take help from your friend.
Ask them to keep a check on you, whether you’re delaying or progressing in the path.

Avoid distractions.
Break off this toxic relationship too! Don let these distractions kill your precious time.

Motivate yourself.
You can do it, believe in yourself.

At the end, don’t forget to reward yourself. Treat yourself for all the hardwork and strong will power to not procrastinate.

It’ll not happen overnight. It’ll take time. It’s easy to get indulge in bad habits but giving up on them, it takes courage, strong will, commitment and hardwork.

Darling, you’ll break these shackles,
It’ll be hard and painful,
But this situation must be tackled.”

Your Friend

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